Bipolar could have taken
my life away, many times.
Therefore, I sweat the small stuff
people do to me along the way.
I live for my riding,
on the highways.
I live for the waves,
in the wild seas.
I have that crazy gene
that makes me different.
Death does not scare me,
Danced with me many times.
I live my life, mine to the end.
Until death steps in and I say goodbye.
~ Wendy Taylor ~
At this time I would like to reflect on a dark side of Bipolar. The times that I contemplated death by suicide. Swallowed many pills and also held a gun to my head. These were times I thought dying would release me from this cruel world. The question I would ask is, would heaven or hell be any different from the hell of Bipolar, that keeps me chained. The feelings of the deep depression that made me feel worthless. I wanted to know the reason for living. Death and the feelings of wanting to die were never far away.
My sanity came from riding my motorbikes and swimming in the deep oceans. I was lucky that I had a good support system. But there are things and thoughts that you share with nobody. I drew my strength from the things I enjoyed, from forcing myself to get up each day and do things to make my situation better.
People can make bad, misinformed judgements of an illness they know nothing about and this can be almost harder to deal with than the illness itself. Being of the brain bipolar,is categorized as a mental illness. The operative word is mental, which leaves people imagining the worst picture of a horror movie. Death by suicide, takes about 50% of all sufferers, not because they want to die but because the pain of living with this illness is too hard to bear.
In closing I changed my nightmare into happiness. I struggled through a lot of pain and nothing in life can top the pain I endured. I have grown strong.